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Happy Married

By: McKayla Butcher

If you really think about your relationship, are you happy married, or is something missing? Sometimes it can be hard to figure out how you’re really feeling because emotions are confusing. 

This article might help you notice if something in your marriage is missing, and give you some times to get your marriage back on track! 

3 Signs Something Is Missing In Your Marriage

1. You find yourself comparing your relationship to others

It can be so easy to look at other peoples relationships and compare it to your own. It’s important to remember that what you see is not what it really is. People typically only show the good parts of their marriage, not the bad. Because no one likes to talk about what’s wrong in their marriage. 

You only see their vacations, their appreciation posts, their milestones, etc. You don’t see their struggles. Sometimes it’s mental illness, addiction, infertility and possibly even abuse. 

There’s a saying that goes “the grass is greener on the other side”, meaning that you will always want what you don’t have, because it seems like it’s better. But the truth is, the grass is greener where you water it. The only thing stopping you from improving your marriage is you. Yes, your partner might need to work on some things too, but you can’t force someone to change. All you can do is focus on YOU.

2. You’re more irritable than usual

When you’re relationship is strained with someone, sometimes things that shouldn’t bother you… totally brother you. Like if you and your spouse are in an argument and you’re having dinner, you might snap and yell at them “do you have to chew so loud?!” 

Their chewing probably doesn’t bother you that much, but when you’re mad at them about something else, even the sound of them breathing too loudly might set you off. 

3. You start playing out in your head “what if” situations

When your happy marriage is going great, you typically don’t ever think about “what if we split up?” But when your marriage is struggling, you might be thinking of what it would be like if you got divorced. 

It’s important not to think about the what ifs! If you spend your time focusing on what’s going to happen if you split up, you won’t be focused on what you can do to ensure you stay together. Tell yourself you WILL make it work. Don’t give up before you’ve really given it your all to save the marriage. 

During the time period that my marriage was struggling, there were 16 Marriage Lessons I Learned That Helped Me Save My Marriage. 

6 Tips to Make Sure You’re Getting the Most Out of Your Marriage

1. 100% Honesty

Nothing puts more strain on a relationship than not being honest with each other. When you lie, it’s actually hurting yourself more than the other person, because they don’t know you’re lying about anything, but you do. You will hold that guilt on your conscious and it will affect your everyday choices. 

You can’t move forward with your relationship until you put everything out on the table. This includes being honest about your feelings as well. 

2. Have dedicated talk time

Put some time aside once a week to just talk. Get updates on how each other is feeling about how things are going. Talk to each other about what you’re struggling with, what you could use help with, etc. This is one of the most important ingredients to a happy marriage. 

Be open to feedback from each other on what you can do to support each other. Try not to get defensive when your partner is telling you what they need from you. 

3. Prioritize your marriage

A healthy happy marriage requires a lot of work, and a marriage that is struggling requires even more. It’s important to prioritize your marriage. 

This doesn’t mean you can never do anything ever again, but it does mean that if it comes down to it, your marriage needs to come before hobbies and things. 

4. Focus on the good things about your partner, not the bad

It can be easy to think about all of the things that you can’t stand about your spouse. But if you’re focused on the bad, your always going to be in a negative mindset. Focusing on the good allows you to be grateful for the qualities your spouse does have that you appreciate. 

Nobody is perfect, and nobody is going to meet every criteria you have for a spouse. Expecting perfection is setting yourself up for disappointment. Don’t do that to yourself. 

5. Work on improving yourself

You cannot change anyone. You can only change yourself. But when you focus on improving yourself, and being the best version of you that you can be, something amazing happens. Change inspires change. Whether your partner is trying to or not, they will typically start becoming a better version of themselves as well. 

It can be very motivating to have someone around you who is working on themselves. But you can’t force someone to work on themselves, and if you try, you are most likely going to push them further away. 

Through fighting for my own marriage, there were 12 Things I Did to Be A Better Wife that you might find helpful in your own relationship. 

6. Practice ASSERTIVE communication

This is one of the most important factors to a healthy happy marriage. Assertive communication in a nutshell means your being honest, without being unnecessarily hurtful or rude to the other person. 

Hiding your feelings from someone to try not to hurt their feelings is not healthy, because you will hold resentment against them. It’s also not helpful to blow up on them and tell them everything they do is wrong. 

Using words that don’t make someone defensive can be helpful, for instance instead of saying “when you do this…” you can say “when this happens”. They are much more likely to be receptive.

A good example would be “when I don’t get any help with the kids or the chores, I notice I feel under appreciated, and overwhelmed. I would like it if we could come up with a compromise that allowed you to help me out a little bit more.” 

This is a simple formula I find very helpful in my marriage: “When ______ happens, I notice I feel ______. I would really appreciate it if ______. 

Here’s an in depth article about communication styles and how to help you communicate better in your everyday life! 

What do you think? Can these marriage tips help improve your marriage?

So did you decide if you are happy married, or is something missing? We hope you can take these tips and apply them in your relationship. Let us know in the comments if any of these tips might be beneficial for your happy marriage.

Need more support in your marriage? Check out these articles:

He Said, She Said: 5 Things My Parents Didn’t Tell Me About Marriage

An Open Letter To Black Women Who Have Chosen Love Over Their Careers 

How COVID-19 Impacted Divorce for Working Moms

My Challenges As A Single Working Mom


Jaclyn Strauss

Every two weeks, Jaclyn contributes to the newsletter sharing her best tips on how ambitious women can have rewarding careers AND be badass moms. Jaclyn Strauss, CPA is a mid-level executive for a Fortune 100 company with multiple passions. She is the founder of her own company called My Macro Memoir and has become a leading efficiency expert by putting her skills and knowledge to work by creating a secure place for families to digitally organize themselves with the thinking done for them. Jaclyn leads with her heart in all that she does and has a passion to serve the greater good of her local community and beyond.