When You Know Exactly What You Want And Who You Want To Be But Things Get In The Way
When You Know Exactly What You Want And Who You Want To Be But Things Get In The Way written by Dulce Orozco, LMHC.

You are a change-maker; it’s in your nature. You make things better for everyone else. However, even though you have a clear idea of the person you want to be and the changes you want to create in your own life, it feels that many things, expected and unexpected, keep getting in the way, and you hit that wall that prevents you from moving on once again.

After working with many women of color, mostly from immigrant families like myself, I realized that for most of them, those “things” that constantly get in the way are: just YOURSELF. I know that this may sound harsh, but your old thought patterns, what you saw growing up that you learned to view as expected, that guilt that you feel whenever you want to put yourself first; that is what keeps getting in the way.

A great quote by Jenn Sincero says:
“The walls of your comfort zone are lovingly decorated with your lifelong collection of favorite excuses.”

Ouch, right? What are some of those excuses that keep getting in your way?

Is it staying in a job you hate because you think your health insurance is better than your partner’s, and you find that the opposite is true after comparing the two? Or is it helping everyone so much that you don’t have time for yourself because you are afraid of failing at your big dream of finally having your own business?
Whenever you recognize those excuses, is there a way to stop and ask yourself if you have any facts to support them?
Very often, if your answer is no, this may indicate that this barrier getting in the way was created by you. Taking responsibility for all the limitations we keep putting on ourselves can be scary and makes us feel vulnerable. Still, at the same time, it may give us the potential, the freedom, and the motivation to feel like there is something that we can do about it to fix it.
Can you give yourself permission to take the smallest step to get to where you want to be and become the person you want to be, even when faced with one of these things that seem to prevent you from getting there? Can you be compassionate with yourself and practice setting boundaries with others but most importantly with yourself by not answering emails after 8:00 pm or not working on Sundays?

Practicing exercises like these will help you pass this wall whenever that “thing” that prevents you from getting where you want gets in the way.

There will always be one “thing” or another, and on many occasions, there is little that you can do about it, but there is a lot you can do about how you handle the situation. You deserve to give yourself the chance to become the person you want to be, and only you have the power to do it, even when the odds don’t seem to be in your favor.
Dulce Orozco is a licensed mental health counselor in Massachusetts. She holds a master’s degree (MS) and a Certificate of Advanced Graduate Studies (CAGS) in Mental Health Counseling from Suffolk University. She is committed to bringing compassion, warmth, and authenticity to her work.
Dulce’s first language is Spanish, and she is also fluent in English and Portuguese. Dulce has extensive experience working with individuals who themselves and their families are not native to our country. Because of her personal and professional experience, she is fascinated by culture’s role on our mental health and how we perceive ourselves. She works using mindfulness, whole-body integration, self-compassion, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT).
She provides an environment offering the connection, trust, and safety to help individuals achieve greater resiliency and empowerment. She currently has a private practice where she works remotely with adult women who feel like outsiders and have a tough time taking care of themselves. Dulce also does corporate engagements and urges corporations and organizations always to give mental health the importance it deserves. Lastly, she has been doing Immigration Mental Health Evaluations for the past four years. When she is not working, she is with her young daughters trying to savor their childhood as much as possible.

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