Eliana
Getting a divorce in itself is a harsh and tremendously tough thing. However, you have done it for a reason, and now is the time to start dating again, because everyone deserves love and to be happy. It may seem overwhelming and hard to jump back into dating right away and you are allowed to give yourself enough space and time for this. You don’t have to rush into anything, so take it slow. And to help you to get back on your feet both physically and emotionally, here are some ways to ensure dating after a divorce is easier and better.
Wait Until Your Divorce is Final
Even if you are certain that your marriage is truly over, you have to give yourself some time and space. It is a fact that there is no certain and magic time frame by which you will be ready to date again, but you will feel it. Separation or divorce is an emotionally draining process, not only because of all the papers but because it feels like a big part of your life is over. That is why you need at least a year, some more, some less, to truly process everything and feel like yourself again.
And even though it might be tempting to lick your wounds with attention from another person, it is only a distraction. If you do that to yourself you will actually take away from your healing work, and you really need it in order to truly be ready to date again. So, the best advice is to wait until everything is over and until you are ready.
Be Reasonable with Your Expectations
When you are fresh out of a marriage and back in the game, you may have another marriage stuck in your head. Yes, it is healthy and amazing for everyone to wish to be married and happy, but you don’t have to enter into a date assuming that will instantly happen. When you immediately expect to get married right away, you are only putting too much pressure on yourself and even on your date.
Instead, use this time and dating to learn something new about yourself. Use this meeting of new people and experiences to create a new life and move forward. However, it is possible that your first relationship after the divorce is not just a rebound, but there are a lot of “ifs” in these situations, so take it slow. Every relationship has its challenges, and you can use this new experience to improve yourself and maybe not make the same “mistake” twice.
Be Honest About Your Past
Even though it is tough, you will have to be honest about your past. Don’t be misleading about yourself, your life or any of your interests, or kids if you have them. If you are meeting new people face to face or doing the whole online dating thing, include everything you find important in your profile. If you try to hide something, eventually you will have to tell the truth, and previous lies or misleading information may only ruin a new relationship. Plus, if you are honest, you are more likely to find something that has the same interests and values as you do.
Give Yourself Space and Nurture Yourself
While you are “waiting” to heal and be ready to jump into dating again, use this time and dedicate it to yourself. Even if you have kids and getting up on your feet together is tough, you will have to find some time just for yourself. This may be a good time to reinvent yourself, or simply improve on your values and virtues even more.
This can be something material, like getting a new skincare routine that will make you happy and your skin healthy. You can even decide to refresh your wardrobe and exchange your mommy or daddy clothes for something more elegant and fresh. There are great places to shop for some future dates, like the moda clothing brand, and find something that will make you feel sexy, happy, and alive.
You can even turn to more spiritual and healthier things. Start doing yoga or join a gym. It will make you feel so much better about yourself, plus you will be healthy and fit. Or you can change your diet, eat healthier foods and even start meditating to help yourself heal better.
Learn to Value Yourself
When you start meeting new people, you should be your own first priority. You are more experienced now, of course, and it is time to value yourself and find someone that you actually like. This is important because with this value you are not coming into dates with fear of rejection. Also, you should be somewhat interviewing your date and stop being worried about how your date feels about you. If there is attraction and the same values and interests, the relationship might work, and if there’s none of those, it is okay to move on and trust yourself.
Don’t Rush it with Your Family
Having kids makes dating life all the more complicated, but it is not impossible. Like everything else post-divorce, this will take time, and you should never rush to introduce your new partner to your family. Before you even consider bringing the new partner home for your kids to meet them, make sure to spend at least 6 months getting to know them.
If you rush into this introduction, things may become confusing very fast, and provoke plenty of anxiety and trouble in children. They are your priority here and they should never feel abandoned, scared, or anxious because a new person is here to “replace” a parent. So, make sure to truly know your new partner, and be sure they are okay with your kids and are honest about it before you take them home for an introduction.
Wrapping up
The end of a marriage is tough and emotionally draining, but often it is the only solution. However, no matter how you feel about your divorce, don’t rush into anything after it. Give yourself time to heal, grow and be emotionally ready before going on dates. Remember to take things slow and put yourself and your kids in the first place, and the rest of the things will find their place and happiness.
Eliana Davison is a Writer/Marketing Specialist with a high interest in wellness and healthy lifestyles. A writer with the sole purpose to inspire people with her work.
