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people pleaser

What’s so bad about people-pleasing? Isn’t it nice and respectable to help others and try your best to make them happy? The issue with being a people- pleaser is that it goes well beyond kindness, and it involves altering your own behaviors in order to accommodate other people’s habits and demands. People who always put others first are ready to go out of their way to please someone else and often give up their time, energy and money to try to “earn” someone’s respect and love. 

With the explanation above, it’s easy to see how people-pleasing can be bad for one’s health and wellness since pleasers can potentially damage themselves, their career, their health and relationship just to give people what they want. How does being a people-pleaser actually harm health and happiness and how can you start putting yourself first? Let’s find out together: 

Stress and depression

People-pleasing often leads to repressed feelings. If you do that for a long time, it can lead to frustration, anxiety and low self-esteem, even depression. Besides feeling horrible for your psychological wellbeing, stress and depression can have physical consequences like sleep issues, exhausting, slower immune response and problems with weight. 

In trying to please everyone around and set a good example for their kids and family, people-pleasers can do the opposite—show that they do not have needs of their own. Instead of trying to help others all the time and solve their problems for them, people can prioritize their own time. Try to spend quality time with your loved ones, share activities and chores and set aside some “me-time” that will teach others valuable life skills and show them how to properly respect you. 


People-pleasers spend most of their time helping others, which can be very time and energy-consuming, leaving no space to exercise, eat properly and dedicate time to relaxation and hobbies. In order to be a good worker, good parent, good son or daughter and a good partner to your spouse, it’s necessary to fuel your own body and brain first. 

To nurture others, you need energy and emotional stability that won’t come from self-neglect. And don’t think that thinking about your own needs and wants is selfish—it’s actually healthy and beneficial for everyone around you. Self-care and self-love involve relaxation and pampering, but also fulfilling other needs like stating your opinions, taking time to sort out your emotions and voicing your needs in various relationships in your life. 

Women are most susceptible when it comes to self-neglect. From staying in toxic relationships to always putting their family’s needs in front of theirs, women often prevent their own ability to thrive. This is especially true for women in menopause who might be experiencing various hormonal and body changes on top of all the pressure. And today, it’s easy to find proper menopause treatment that can ease the symptoms of menopause and make the transition easier and smoother. Self-care involves asking for help when needed, in all parts and stages of life, especially when it comes to health and wellbeing. 

Anger and resentment

Repressing your own thoughts and feelings in order to just serve others with what they want to hear can lead to anger and resentment that can build up and explode. People-pleasing often doesn’t result in ways the pleaser might expect, i.e. spreading of love, help and generosity, but in more selfishness and manipulation. 

Practicing kindness is a wonderful thing that benefits everyone, but it needs to come from the right place. Kindness needs to be given without a desire to earn approval or any other selfish motive. Every time you have the need to help someone, consider why you want to offer help—is it to spread joy and make things better for someone? And will you feel cheated if you don’t achieve the desired effects with your actions? 

Physical changes

People need free time to exercise, practice hobbies, prepare healthy meals, shop, have fun, etc. When there’s no time for these self-care activities, it can result in over or under-eating, substance abuse, exhaustion, fatigue, lack of sleep and many other physical issues these bad habits bring with them. Instead of always helping others, help yourself first and you’ll be much happier and even start seeking validation in all the wrong places. 

If you’re a people-pleaser, breaking that habit can be hard, but more than possible. Start with small steps and soon you’ll notice many benefits for your wellness. 

Eve Anderson is a marketing specialist turned blogger. Interested in sports and exciting travel destinations. Love to share content that can inform people.